I entered the month of July longing for a break from the constant day to day busyness that the previous months had held. My decision was to make July a Sabbath knowing that like most of you, life doesn't just stop and allow you to rest. So the plan was to only do what was absolutely necessary and to be intentional with creating space to be quiet.
I'm want to be clear on how I was feeling in the hope of encouraging others who find themselves in the same situation. I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a plate being spun round and round and because of the dizziness that it was causing, was not able to move forward in a clear way. You know how it feels when you get off one of those rides that has you spinning. It takes a minute or more to walk straight and everything around you not be spinning. As much as I hated the spinning and disorientation I was feeling in my life I was not able to move forward with any clarity.
I will be honest and tell you I have struggled my whole life with this feeling and it has made me feel weak and less than far too many times. I have tried to "be stronger" and keep going, but in the end I crash. If you can't relate to this... be thankful my friend. But, I know I'm not alone. I've had conversations with some of you and I know there will be many reading this that need to know you are not alone.
I've shared in previous post about the spiritual significance of taking a Sabbath so I'm not going to take a lot of time on that, but it is worth repeating that Sabbath is God's idea, not ours. Even people who would not consider themselves religious understand the need for a personal Sabbath. I noticed as the days of July progressed and I continued to make myself choose rest (even though there were times I wanted to jump into some things) it was as if a cloud was moving off of me. I began to feel lighter and more peaceful. My perspective started to change and processing things became easier for me mentally and emotionally.
You might be wondering why I added Birthdays to the title of Sabbaths. July is also my Birthday month and one thing I am enjoying about getting older is that each year brings greater understanding of who I am. The good and the not so good... the recognizing of both gives me the choice to embrace the good and challenge and change the not so good.
With each and every year I feel a little more comfortable in my own skin.
With each and every year I can see the ever present theme of who I was created to be woven uniquely throughout my story.
With each and every year I'm learning that true unconditional love is priceless...
With each and every year I realize there will always be a tension and restlessness in my heart until I'm finally home.
I saw the above quote from Lysa TerKeurst this month and it expressed what I was experiencing. I've seen it over and over again so I don't know why I fight it... but when I pull away and get quiet I'm reminded of who I am and whose I am. It's like God just breathes fresh life into me and I feel alive again. He helps me process and see things from His perspective and ever so gently as only He can, helps me sand those rough edges.