Messy living in the gray...

 I've always been a pretty black  and  white person.  That "and" in the middle has brought me much struggle through the years.  Seeing life through black and white lenses worked for me growing up.  The lines were clearly defined in my mind and for the most part life made sense.

And oh how I wanted and needed everything to continue to make sense.

 That little 3 letter word between black and white was messy.

 It messed with my heart, with my head and I put up a good fight. I spent lots of time and energy over the years trying...

in every way,

in every area of my life,

to fit things into my neat little designated black and white boxes.

SPOILER ALERT!! (It's exhausting and doesn't work!)

Life is messy and  hard, perfect and  beautiful all rolled up together.  I can't embrace and experience one without the other.  I have to be willing as well as vulnerable to work through the mess. To be uncomfortable, inconvenienced...

and to hope and believe in the beauty on the other side.

I've realized that this tension that I try so desperately to relieve will always be part of my life here on earth.   And it's only when I choose to live through the lens of eternity that I can see white in the black.

I can see light in the dark places.

 I can hear a melody in the midst of discord.

I can put hands and feet to "Thy Kingdom Come."

I've discovered great beauty in the midst of broken people and circumstances. I've seen deep healing that wouldn't be possible without experiencing deep pain.

Let's be brave friends and embrace the mess around us.

 Let's not be afraid to get our hands dirty...

our hearts broken...

 Let's not be afraid to move forward without having it all figured it out.

I'm learning to not be afraid of the mess.

 Because out of it can come a masterpiece.