Last thing I want to be is a fake person...but sometimes the real person scares even me!

I've decided to blog instead of  going with my urge to post a crazy FB status that would probably evoke private messages in my inbox asking "what's wrong?? everything ok??"

Yes, I am a Christian and yes I am a pastors wife and yes I am having a bad day!  Actually...since I'm being  "real" it's been a bad few weeks!

I hate the feeling of being worn down by the cares of life...where everything that is out of order is screaming at me and drowning out all that I know to be true.  I'm embarrassed to admit that it's not an unfamiliar feeling.  I've been here before...many times.  And every time I get mad at myself for letting myself get to this place.

I go through the whole personal condemnation of... 'if only you would pray more, guard your heart more, not entertain the lies and accusations of the enemy,' and on and on it goes, pushing me more and more into defeat and guilt.

  And just when I'm ready to call it quits on... (well sometimes everything :)) something starts stirring inside of me.  It's not overwhelming or instantaneous, but it's a hope inside of me that starts flickering words of promise and truth within my spirit.

That's when I  have to make a decision ... I can either continue with my pity party or I have to tell the enemy that is against everything that I am called to be, that "this party is OVER!"

I have to as Paul told Timothy, 'stir up the gifts in me' and use them to fulfill my purpose in this earth.  And that, 'my God is faithful to complete what He started in me' (when I will let Him)!

So there...I could have faked it and put a nice little encouraging devotional on my blog , but I decided to be real tonight.

Maybe you need to know you're not a 'less than Christian' because you have allowed things to get the best of your emotions and thoughts.  Maybe you need to know that you're okay and that 'His mercies are new every morning.' (YAY!)